What are you worth? What am I worth?

Why is it that I must punish myself incessantly?

Why can I not just give myself a break?

I remember reading once a comment on the back of a toilet cubicle, abusing someone who had replied rather harshly and insensitively to a note that someone else had written saying they wanted to kill themself. This person had written, "...How could you say that? You are the lowest form of life, kicking someone while they are down..."

How true this is, and how much can I apply this to myself.

I am down and I am hurting. I never remember struggling so much in my life as I am now, yet in every possible way I seem to be abusing myself and only making things even harder to cope with. Why dwell on everything that I can't change? Why fucking look up what I was supposed to write in my commentary when I can't change it now? Why punch my fist against my palm pointlessly? Why, why, why...

I would never get away with treating anyone else like this.

If I treated anyone else as badly as I treat myself I wouldn't have a friend in the world. So why can I see the best in others and only see the worst in me? How do I get away with loving and respecting others yet reducing myself to nothing?

I am a terrible, terrible person,

But only to myself.