Right now.

Right now, I really just need someone to tell me that I'm okay. Years and years of my own abuse and my own self-hatred - promising myself that things will be different in the future. That things will change once I reach the other side? But where is the other side? When is it?

Right now, I need someone to tell that I am beautiful. That they can look at me and smile. I need someone to reassure me that one day, somewhere, someone will fall in love with this monster. Someone needs to tell me that it's okay to want to lose 10 kilos, but even if I didn't, they would still look at me with just as much love and respect.

Right now, I need someone to tell me that I am interesting. That I am "cool" in one way or another or that there is something about me that makes me special or unique. I wish that someone could look me in the eye and honestly tell me that my words are worth listening to or that they value me as a person. And why. Some sort of reassurance that I am not that socially retarded or that I am not pedantic and wound up by the stupidest little things. Although to that, perhaps I would just say, "You don't really know me."

Right now, I need someone who will tell me that I am a good person. That they know I have good intentions and that I am worthy of love from others. That perhaps I could make a difference.

Right now, I need someone to tell me that things are going to turn out okay. That I will get through this. That one day, one day soon, I will be happy and life will stop being such a chore. That I won't feeling like crying all the time and that things won't be such a struggle for no good reason.

Right now I need all of this from someone else, because quite simply, I cannot give it to me. Right now, I need to believe it.
Right now, though, I don't think anyone is listening...