Glass half empty.

Why is it so much easier to see the worst in myself than the best? Why must I be blind to any merits or good doings that I am acknowledged for?

The problem with being a perfectionist is that the picture is not even that of being a glass half full or a glass half empty. It is a matter of a glass being full, or a glass being not full. There is no middle ground - if the glass if 95% full, this is still insufficient.

Just like 95.00 seems like such a god damn disappointment. You know, someone pointed out to me that, as terrifying as such a score might be, that would still put you in the top 5% of the state - so since when was that not good enough? Well, since always.

I do not remember when I was suddenly struck with such a distorted perception of the world, or when I became so self-critical, but somewhere along the way, some cognitions lined up in such a way that it has been years since I have been able to see the world clearly. So long, in fact, that I do not even remember not feeling like this.

When will this distorted lense of warped perception disappear? When will I ever see things objectively, and when will I ever appreciate myself? So many questions, and so few answers.