Selfless vs. Selfish

I guess when you look at yourself and try to evaluate the good in your actions, it is necessary to first ask yourself what you define as a good person. As with most things in life, to me there seem to be two conflicting values: our devotion to others, and our devotion to ourselves. In its simplest form, life is not much more complex than a balance between selfless and self-concerned motives.

The reason I ask this is because in a stupid pursuit for perfection, my goal was always to do things to please other people. To reach and achieve other people's expectations of me, to continually do what people demanded of me and to put everyone else's needs before my own. And admirably, this made other people happy; but for me, there was a large price to pay. Enormous strain under mountains of stress, sacrifice of my own relaxation time and an incredible feeling of unmet personal needs. People cannot live a superficial life that only appeases other people without addressing their own basic necessities.

So in search of a balance between the concepts of the other and the self, I began to assert my personal needs and I guess only now am I really beginning to say "no" - an important lesson when you're about to enter the real world. But it's not that easy, simply because I think after a while, people simply become accustomed to taking advantage of you. And I already feel that a number of my personal relationships have involved people placing unrealistic demands on my time, where the time physically exists, but in a spiritually balanced lifestyle, it doesn't. Because despite there being 24 hours in a day, I believe a number of those need to be spent in some sort of personal reflection, relaxation or, more simply, "alone time". I have spent 18 years feeling like I am constantly "on" every minute of the day with things crammed in left, right and centre - why is it so hard to understand that sometimes I want to take a time-out and breathe? I just think some people don't get it... They demand and demand and demand to the point where you feel guilty that you are not spending time with them or not fulfilling their needs, and because it has always been the norm, your needs are suddenly blown away with a small gust of wind, floating away into nothingness just as before...

So I question you, where lies the perfect balance between selfishness and selflessness? Self-sacrifice is admirable, but not even marginally healthy if perpetually performed. But at what point does thinking about your own needs become selfishness? When should you feel rightly guilty for putting yourself first? I am incredibly admirable of compassion and selfless love and value these traits highly, but where is the balance between caring for others and caring for yourself? Perhaps one must also consider for whom one sacrifices themself, and asking whether that person would do the same for you? I don't know...