Duodeviginti

I decided I would not write if I had nothing worth writing about. This, I believe, is worthy of note.

In the past week a number of things have not turned out as I would have planned or hoped, and I've had to find a way to accept them. Today, a piece of news that made me feel rage in every living cell in my body and simply rubbed salt in an already throbbing wound, led not only to a number of tears, but also a number of revelations. For I have learnt that it is most often from our pains, letdowns and disappointments that wisdom is born. I have learnt two very important lessons which I believe are valuable to note. Maybe I took a while to learn them, but now that I know them, it would be nothing less than insanity to make the same make twice.

1. Don't ever do something for praise, recognition or external reward. You must appreciate the intrinsic value you get from things, not the extrinsic reward. Don't do something with two eyes fixated on whatever it is that lies at the end of the tunnel. Live in the moment and do things that you enjoy. In everything you do, enjoy the friends you make, the cakes that you bake, enjoy the sport and music you play or the words that you say. Don't enjoy something when it is finished, but when you are doing it. And for goodness sakes, don't forego enjoyment for external reward, because some of the time, it just doesn't happen. I have spent so long breaking my back, almost killing myself to please other people and to create an image of perfection around myself. It only so happened that when the cherry on top didn't arrive, I learnt one of my most valuable life lessons. Only do things because you enjoy them, because life is too precious to be wasted on living the life of what everyone else wants you to be, not who you want to be. I do not regret for a minute the friends I have made along the way because of my tendency to overwhelm myself with cocurricular activities - Rach, Eliza, Kat, Nick, Matt, Sean, Steve, Julia, Lori, Rhia, James, Alexius, Nick, Alex, James, Adele, Sarah, Emma, Chloe, Bronte, Steph, Miranda, Molly, Airley, Amy, Jess, Fi, Ruby, Ally, Terri, Amy, Kate, Tutai, Dan R, Loz... I guess the list goes on. I do not regret the help, the joy or the laughter that I gave other people and that they gave me. And the reward I have felt in these aspects makes it okay, because for these reasons, I can know that this time was not even close to being completely wasted. Just do not be foolish enough to let your anticipation of extrinsic rewards outweigh the gain of intrinsic ones.

2. There are two types of people in life: those that screw everyone else over to get everything they want, and those who get screwed over by doing the right thing. I recount countless examples of this. People who blame other people only so that they can further their own position in life. People who shift responsibility to make themselves feel better. People who bully others into getting their own way. I think these people are exactly the reason someone invented the saying "Life isn't always fair." Because despite what we want to believe, karma doesn't always work out. These people will become successful and will climb above others in jobs, school and recognition and, in the meantime, the little guy gets left behind. But maybe we then have to consider how we choose to define success. Maybe not success that is limited to a job or career, but perhaps success in life. Because these people lose things. People see who they are and see what they do, and people don't like them. They may be manipulative bastards, so for goodness sakes, do not let them manipulate you. They may win in the workplace, but they lose out in relationships, in friendships and in love - and in the end, the only relationships that they have left are with people who are just as superficial and selfish as they are.

Be happy knowing that people see you just as you are. If you're going to fuck everyone over to get to the top, people won't be stupid enough to fall for your deceptive looks, at least not forever. And if you just pass by, trying to do good by others and potentially missing out on a world of recognition at the same time, people are watching you too. The right people. The people that admire you for everything you do - for every attempt, for every effort, for every responsibility, for every selfless act and for every kind word. Friends. Don't get sucked into the trap of screwing everyone else over just because it works, because in the end, you will lose out in what is really important.