18.

i have never had a close friend or relative die. i have never been abused or assaulted. i have never watched anything traumatising unfold. i have never been bullied. i do not come from a broken home. i have practically been wrapped in bubble wrap my entire fucking life. so what is my problem? why does it hurt so much? why can't i cope with any of this?

what's my fucking excuse?

i cannot help despising myself for my weakness. you who know the worst of life must resent me. i thought growing older was supposed to yield some sort of self-understanding and -acceptance, yet i am almost 18 and i cannot help but feel that there is just no hope left. the world becomes bigger, you become smaller and your soul becomes weaker, until it is finally crushed into oblivion by the perpetually unbearable weight of simply being alive.