Sedecim

Someone once told me that self-esteem can be likened to a cup. There are moments in our lives where people say things that make us feel appreciated, loved, worthy and brilliant - filling our cup right up to the brim until we are almost overflowing with positive self-regard and self-love. On the other hand, sometimes there are times when people suck out our cup's contents with derogatory remarks or unkind comments that make us feel worthless. However, despite these ebs and flows, the cup maintains a sort of dynamic equilibrium, whereby the level may drop or rise occasionally, but generally returns to a constant point - a default level of self-esteem.

The analogy continues.

The danger is when there is a hole in the cup. When this happens, that default level of self-esteem is destroyed as the contents of the cup are continually lost to the environment. The only way for this person to sustain any level of self-acceptance is to have a constant flow entering their cup to compensate its rapidly diminishing contents. But people don't tell you you're brilliant all the time, because they assume that you already know that. People don't repeatedly tell you that you're fantastic, because it isn't deemed necessary - because you shouldn't need to be perpetually told.

People cannot see and do not understand why you fail to sustain that state of equilibrium - that default level of self-esteem.

The key to changing this is to fill up that hole: take those pieces of meaning that you have found here or there, and plug it up; collect the evidence that you are okay and place them in that hole; reflect on what you are worth and realise that you are someone special. The only problem is, this is much easier said than done; you are in control, only it rarely ever feels like that.