Quindecim

Out of control. To gain control. Controllability. In control. Lose control. Control oneself. Birth control. Control panel. To have control over. Locus of control. To take control. Control group. Remote control. Control freak.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by an inability to control what is happening around you? The things that occur in your life, your environment, and even your own mind, all seem to become externally determined by forces you have no control over. In life, there are things in life that we can control, and there are things that we cannot. What is important, is that we utilise the things that we do have control over to help ourselves deal with the things over which we hold little power. I am told time and time again that we are in control of ourselves - our actions, our thoughts and our feelings, and these factors are all interelated. However I feel that it is one thing to say we always have control, but it is an entirely different thing to truly believe it or feel empowered by this ability.

What happens when we feel we can't control what is happening? We panic, we become frightened and above all, we feel utterly powerless. For me, the tears well up in my eyes, a lump is formed at the back of my throat and I want nothing more than to simply give up. When we are coping, we believe in our ability to handle a situation, confident that our actions will elicit a positive outcome. When we are hopeless, we lead ourselves to believe that any action we take will have a negative consequence. But when we are helpless, this is the biggest danger of all; when we are helpless, we feel that no matter how hard we try or how longingly we wish, our actions have no affect on our circumstances.

When we talk about control, planning and the future, people can be broken down into two categories - people who focus on the details, and those who focus on the big picture. Where people take an overall view, they concentrate on what they want as the end result and are good at planning and deciding how they want things to turn out, but often fail to see the small details along the way. When these people are struck by unexpected changes, their idealistic plans become tainted, damaged or destroyed.

When we live too far ahead in the future and decide how things should be, the implications are that, if things do not turn out the way we hoped or planned, we become bitterly disappointed, feeling like something has been taken away from us, despite the fact that we never possessed it in the first place. When we talk about things we can control, the fundamentals are ourselves and the present moment. Once we take control of these things, then we can begin to shape the world around us.